The Past in the Present: A Thousand Hours in A Thousand Moments

Updated: Jan 28, 2019



California. Old trees. Old, old Valley Oaks. Rolling hills. A veil of green verdure laid lightly over the land. A soft, deep energy to be welcomed into.


The ranch is a refuge for animals from situations of neglect, mistreatment, and abandonment– all brought here by court ordered injunctions. Lowing cows, pigs that roam–sheep, goats, ducks, chickens, horses. This morning, I woke early and went for a glass of water–out the window, a troupe of pigs were making their way to a greener pasture. Yesterday morning, it was a flock of sheep. They were heading south on the property; the pigs heading northeast.


Each morning, I introduce Ruby to a new species: we sit and just look, watch—the pigs, the sheep, or the cows. To watch, see, attend to without the need to ‘run after’. Her young body quivers, and then finally, there’s a sigh that relaxes her shoulders and she sinks back into herself, into her body. And the need to spring forward, to spring after, is let go. We walk away then, and then I have her sit and release her from her leash. She is learning to be a part of, a part of the community, rather than chase, herd, pursue. Yesterday, she and a pig met and smelled each other so closely their noses touched.


To be a part of, present to, rather than pursue, catch, dominate.


I didn’t know I was coming this way through California. I didn’t know when I began this journey, I would be invited to this beautiful land of refuge and calm, grace and history. But when B. invited me, I knew it was a simple ‘Yes. Of course…”.


I met B. at a Paul Selig workshop in Asilomar almost three years ago. She sat on one side of this large room we were all seated around in a circle. I sat on the other. But each morning, each session, we would look at each other, and almost without cue, it was as if we were saying to each other, “OK. Let’s get this group focused, calmed, quieted, for the presence of Paul and the Guides.” It turns out, I later learned she was a longtime meditator—in the tradition of Zen Buddhism–a meditative practice I too have long participated in. But the beautiful thing is, we never ‘did’ anything. We never said anything. We simply became ‘present’—a part of the present moment in stillness, and little-by-little that presence would radiate through the room as others joined in, and the moment opened, and the deepness opened.


There was no ‘doing’, only being. Allowing ourselves to become present. Allowing ourselves to be attentive to the moment.


And that is how “I knew her”–we walked to breakfast as I recall only once or twice. But when her invitation came only days after I left Woodstock, I said, “Yes.” Without hesitation. At moments driving, I heard myself say to myself, “But you really don’t even know this woman” and another part of me, my higher self said, “Stop it. You know her…You know exactly who she is.” And when I arrived here, we embraced and began our conversation as if there had only been a moment’s pause–not almost three years….and hours in which we only knew each other through silence, listening.


We all have these moments of meeting someone and knowing them far more deeply than we can possibly express. It is the knowing of our energetic, sentient bodies, aligning to those of the same frequency, the same vibration. It doesn’t matter if in appearance, circumstance, social standing, culture they ‘appear’ different. It is the energetic connection, alignment, that opens the path, that paves the way. We need only be present to it and connection happens. So now I am getting the opportunity to know B. in other ways–as a dancer, creator, mother, and animal rights worker. And farm animal keeper.


So many times, we experience connection, and then we second guess ourselves, we doubt our knowing and start reminding ourselves in our minds all the things we’ve been taught about class, culture, family, politics, social relations, and our past hurts or disappointments—all those limiting, delineating, or hurtful constructs and beliefs. But it is our ‘knowing’ that leads us to greater abundance, joy, love, and connection. We need only allow ourselves to be present to this knowing. Be in its presence energetically, and without question, abundant and loving connection occurs.


Being present…allowing…


_______________


There is a moment, somewhere, in one of Paul Selig’s channeled texts in which the Guides say, “The energetic presence of every person, every being that has crossed the land, in any particular place on earth, is still present–is still there to be felt, known, and even released, if necessary.


Lee Harris and the “Zs” frequently say it is the ancient you in the future you, experienced through the present moment that we can know.


And the Mindful Heart reminds us, “It’s only a breath away…only a breath away…”


Carl Jung would call it a part of the collective unconscious, our collective history, ancestry.


But so many of us instead, we measure our lives in the simple hours we are here on earth, from point A. to point B. and on through Z. or what we refer to as ‘death’. It’s what we can grasp with our minds. But our bodies, our sentient, energetic bodies are connected to both the ancient and the future, and if we clear out all the distractions, we can experience, feel these. We can feel the depth of living that has occurred, is occurring, on the land.


A simple law of quantum physics.


Time, as we know, is a construct–it doesn’t exist outside ourselves in some linear movement, motion. And when we allow ourselves to experience the understanding of this, time opens up–the past and the future they’re here right now in the present. And we feel it–but so many of us forget to live as though we know this. We make decisions as if we don't know this, and the repetition of errors, pain, history repeats....


But many are beginning to consciously know this. And we are beginning to understand, sense, know, what this might mean for us as individual conscious beings. Beginning to truly understand it’s not “Woo Woo”, but the nature of our being, the nature of the universe: that we are first energetic sentient beings and can know each other first through our energetic bodies, that we can know a place in both its past and future aspects energetically, and know ourselves and each other this way too–our ancient selves in our future selves through the present moment.

___________


Tecumseh.


I have spoken of him so frequently. I bring him up, and all his journeying across the land to unite First Nation tribes. I bring him up because I first became aware of his presence, as I wrote in “The Open Door”, in Costa Rica–as part of an even much larger unified energetic body of ancient and more recent First Nation tribes from around the world. His presence has been so present for me at moments on this journey.


And I had not been aware of him, known of him, before Costa Rica in 2017.


Leaving Fresno and heading into the Sacramento Valley, I became so aware of the presence of him and the past again–First Nation song, feet, dance, and a migratory movement over the land. And particularly song–it rang out of my body as I drove, it wanted to voice over the fields, the orchards, the miles of tilled fields. It raised my throat to the sky… a presence that has been here for over 10,000 years–a presence much deeper than our Hispanic and European journeying. And I could feel it, know it, as I drove, as I paused, stopped, and stood looking out over the acres and acres of farms, even as semi-trucks and cars wove by in a stream of hurry.


But many are beginning to consciously know this. And we are beginning to understand, sense, know, what this might mean for us as individual conscious beings. Beginning to truly understand it’s not “Woo Woo”, but the nature of our being, the nature of the universe: that we are first energetic sentient beings and can know each other first through our energetic bodies, that we can know a place in both its past and future aspects energetically, and know ourselves and each other this way too–our ancient selves in our future selves through the present moment.


You who are the flesh of my flesh…the time continuum of my own being…


In our sentient bodies, our energetic bodies, we can become aware of our connection, of our being a part of the same web of life, the same energetic fabric of the universe. And we become aware of this deeper presence of various aspects of our Soul bodies—the different timelines we’ve participated in…are still participating in. We can feel, hear, the stories…. And some stories, some part of ourselves may even have participated in. Many of us experience this–an intimacy towards some place, historical moment, we cannot grasp, understand, but know. Some of us are becoming acutely conscious of it and allowing the wisdom of those stories, timelines to re-enter the body consciously. Some of us still only allow ourselves to experience this knowing through dream or the unconscious landscape of our being drawn to certain places, certain experiences that we somehow crave.


In Lexington, VA, as I walked in Jordan Point Park, I sensed, felt, saw very much in my body–as if though I were still present in the scene–a ‘brother killing a brother’ from different sides of the war–not realizing it was kin until it was too late, not realizing in the frenzy of battle, here was the flesh of my flesh, the sibling of my childhood, the brother whom I had scoured the land with in play….the brother to whom I had never whispered the words, “North” or “South”. The brother with whom I’d fallen asleep next to under the naked stars….


And walking through the town, through the parks adjacent, and through the Military Academy Campus there, I found myself asking to be forgiven. I found myself offering this back to the Universe with love, ease, and grace. I found myself not only asking for forgiveness, and offering this back to the Universe, but also blessing with love the ground over which I walked, the buildings of the Military Academy and all those young persons inside them learning… asking that they might learn what true leadership, authority, is…that it begins first in connection…not separation, not in any ‘us’ or ‘them’. That it begins first in recognition of the flesh of my flesh…the time of my own being with yours, and the fundamental energetic body of which we are all a part. The fundamental connection of which we all participate in.


No matter where we sleep on the earth, no matter which hill, delta, desert, or which town or village we call home–there is no separation. Separation is a function of fear–that we are not enough just as we are…that there is not enough when indeed there is…



Tecumseh makes me sit up straight. Makes me attentive as I drive, walk…


And I am grateful for that. He is not asking for anything but that I see and hear…that I be present to the song of the earth and all those who have walked its surface. It sounds large…it sounds mythic…but in truth, it’s not. It’s simply being present, awake, and conscious to the energetic landscape that exists around us, that we exist in. That we listen to it–to know it. All that history…so much more ancient than we can even imagine…it’s all here. The Mindful Heart keeps saying over and over, “It’s only a breath away…a breath away.” All those pasts, all those futures…that we call timelines, lives, incarnations... they are all only a breath away, as close as the air that brushes our skin. That we can learn from them…instead of simply repeat them. We can say, "Ok. Show me. Show me what I need to see..."


If we truly knew what we are beginning to understand and have known about the Universe scientifically, and how it operates–if we truly knew this in and through our own bodies–and not just in our heads–we would live so differently on the planet, in relation to each other. And it is this that we are waking up to…slowly, surely…and very deeply to. And that we can know and experience this knowing personally, each of us, as conscious individuals. As awake, alive, sentient beings–feeling and listening with our entire bodies.


We know scientifically that the memories of three generations are carried in the body’s DNA, are present structurally in the body’s DNA and effect responses to the environment and certain situations and can compel us to behave in certain ways and have certain propensities, proclivities–but we know too it is the fact, the gift of, our free will that gives us choice, power, over these. It is the fact of choice that fuels our individual consciousness. And for those of us conscious of our energetic bodies, we know too we can work with these energetic memories, these ancestral memories–we can change, release, what feels like conditioned responses that we struggle against inside ourselves; or, we can release the illnesses that can result from their ignored presence. And as we become more aware of this, some of us too even ‘remember’ the stories, timelines, that created those energetic patterns, or what feels like, conditioned responses as fears, anxiousness. Those stories can come through in felt images, archetypes, and in some instances, even clear stories.


What I love about Carl Jung is that he knew we were each not only embodying our individual consciousnesses and felt memories, but our collective experiences as well, our ancestral experiences–that they are alive within us as energetic complexes and reside in the unconscious until we are willing, ready, to allow them to surface consciously. And our willingness to honor our intuitive nature brings them forward to help us become more conscious of the nature of our true being.


These stories, these felt memories, are energetic in nature and can deeply influence our current lives, our current experiences–draw certain experiences to us so that we might resolve or finally learn what we were unable to the first time around by making different choices, either collectively or individually. But we have to allow them, feel their aliveness in our knowing. Many times, we fear it’s the same kind of experience that will re-occur, but this is not necessarily the case. It’s the energetic experience of the emotional complex that re-occurs. It is the fear, the attachment, the loss, the anger, the greed, the violence that wants resolution, release–not the particular circumstance, experience.


That we are all a constellation of these, and that they open out into other constellations by which we all are connected. Each of us with our own dynamic, evolving, mandala of being.


This is how I understand, feel and know, Tecumseh–as an aspect of our collective past that I have participated in.


It is not that I am to ‘do’ anything, but to know, experience the knowing of peoples through connection–not a unification or connection that is created for further resistance, separation, or violence, but a unification that recognizes connection as the true means to being, living.


In connection, in the flesh of my flesh…in no desire for separation, violence, ‘us’ or ‘them’… only tenderness, compassion, recognition. To compassionate, to co-passion, to feel with another, to feel another. The heart of our empathic nature. The Soul seed of our humanity.


In this way, Tecumseh makes me sit up straight and listen—not only to the persons around me, but to the land itself, to the energies traversing and infused in the ground, in the landscape: the footprints of the past, the ancient, and the future. It is what he has led me to hear as “the way of deep time….” of which the earth itself participates in ways we ourselves cannot even imagine, but takes us back in connection to the ancient lands of Egypt, Asia, South America…to ancient landmasses and civilizations of which we only see scant remnants of on earth but we recognize and can acknowledge in our energetic bodies, and can know, re-know, their wisdoms that we have been carrying dormant within us all along, waiting to feel, open up to again.


We are all a part of it. Not one of us separate from it. Not one of us more special than another. And not one of us not special. Not one of us disconnected either from the land–as remote from it as we may feel at times.

_____________


So. B. and I, we have been walking this land. We have been sharing our insights, our tentative and deepening knowings. Two women who have known each other across many miles of silence…but who trusted that we knew each other, that we had much to say and share, and that we had shared the time of our being at other points, through other moments, and probably shared in ways too that neither of us even comprehend.


It is a blessed journey that we are on…all of us… It is what we came to be a part of…this deeper way of being, knowing, connection.


In gratitude,

Allannah

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