I walk Ruby north on a dirt road this morning instead of heading south into the hills. We walk slowly taking in the expanse of the sky, and then head out to visit the Emus with the deep, guttural soundings of the females vibrating on the air like a small drumming. The sound touches Ruby and I deeply in our bodies, in our solar plexus’ and along the back of our spines. I can see Ruby radiating out the energy as she bounds forward, wondering how it comes out of these strange creatures on such long legs, with such thin necks.
The Emus are here after being shipped from Australia and then being pushed aside and neglected after a quick fad of gourmet restaurants charging enormous amounts for a seared piece of meat, or a daub of whipped Emu egg. Their worth attached so quickly to the changing tides of taste, the experimental, and then, as quickly dropped when the next curiosity arrives.
The Emu have come to the ranch by court order–to live out their days naturally amongst themselves–being worthy enough in their own expression of who and what they are.
They are curious, the Emus–they come along the fence in their ancient being, in their quick striding over the ground, in the ‘flocking’ of their feathers up around their necks into beautiful sconce-like collars as they stride next to me and look me in the eye. For a moment, I feel as if I am in some ancient ritual, some ancient rite of recognition, of being witnessed.
These birds–related to Ostriches–are ancestors of the dinosaurs, and they do not fly. Beneath all their feathering, their wings are like tiny rudders used to balance themselves as they run–sometimes up to speeds of 30mph.
As we look at each, and I catch the dark amber of their eyes, I feel myself become alive in the presence of their curiosity, to the presence of the shared moment–them with their striding necks, curious insight, and I, in my rubber boots, in the chilled air, in the cloudy day, and in the fullness of the moment.
I am breathing everything that is–seeing it in its immense detail…its immense beauty…
It is so easy to wake in the morning, to see the day, and then begin to think of all the things that need to be done, and how they should be done, and what they should look like.
There’s nothing wrong with having things to do-accomplishing tasks, attending to things that speak to us. And there’s nothing wrong with having a desire for something, a vision of who we are–we are here in a world in which we participate in, contribute to, by being who and what we are, but so often we mistake what ‘inspired action’ is, what it truly looks like, and end up ‘efforting’ and struggling to manifest something into reality that we end up expressing in a diminished or far smaller way than what we internally experienced ourselves to be…
And what we imagine ourselves–experience ourselves–to be internally is available to us.
But so often, we hardly allow ourselves the opportunity to see what our Soul self would like to express, manifest into expression. And we hardly allow ourselves to see what is really present, what is really on offer to us from the Universe, which is often far more than what we imagined.
Instead, we project our desires and expectations, and learned ideas about who it is we think we are, or who it is we ought to be–should be–onto the day, onto reality, and without intending to, we do this from a place of fear, a place of not yet having, not yet being, a place of lack… A place that requires an ‘efforting after’ the idea of ourselves, a place that more often than not exhausts and eventually disappoints us.
And we miss the gifts on offer right in front of us…
So many of us are taught to ‘achieve’, to do, but not shown how ‘to be’, or how to experience the importance of Being, and how to come into alignment with the truth of who and what we are so we can allow naturally the expression of our deepest selves.
Instead, we operate from a feeling of lack, of not yet Being, and thus operate from a place of ‘control’: “If I am to get this or be this, this is what I must do, this is how it should happen, this is how it should look, this is how I will accept it, and when I will accept it– when I expect it.”
So many rules, so many restrictions…so many barriers we construct to allowing and receiving.
The Mindful Heart tells us over and over again, “We create what we feel…” so if we operate from a place of ‘lack’, of ‘not yet having’ or ‘not yet being’…then that is exactly what we get–lack, the ongoing ‘not yet’… because we lead with that energy… we lead with that feeling in our energetic field….
And because we’ve gotten all these ideas worked up in our heads about working towards something, we strive hard in the playground of our illusions, in the playground of our rules and wants, our desires, and our ideas of what should be and how it should arrive. We project all that onto reality, and it has no real place to ground itself because it is not part of the expression of who we are in that moment.
Sara Landon, transformational leader, entrepreneur, and channel of The Council, has so often said, “We have to claim something first energetically, claim it first in possibility… say 'yes' to it and feel it. We have to recognize we already are everything we envision ourselves to be–we wouldn’t have the vision of it, if we weren’t already this somewhere… We need only allow the expression, the manifestation, to arise through us in physical form…’ and then things do start to miraculously show up, occur….
I am learning to pause here on the ranch–where I didn’t expect to be–and actually take ‘stock’ of how often I enter into all those ‘shoulds’, all those ‘expectations’, all those ‘willful ideas’ that belong to the past, or to how I think things should be and look like based upon an external idea. All those shoulds that have already been–been there, done that–by somebody else or me earlier in my life. Whether it’s the relationship I ‘wanted’ and envisioned in specific ways or the work that would sustain me in a way that is aligned to who I think I am…
I am learning instead to invite myself in and to sit down and write down those ‘should’ ideas–those expectations of how things should occur and what they should look like. I am learning to do this to help myself see where I am operating from them, where I am trying to control things based upon an idea of how I think things should be, instead of allowing and trusting that things will unfold and reveal themselves to me as I need and am able to see them.
I am learning to see more clearly where I am operating solely within the machinations of the mind or solely in the feelings of ‘want’ or 'hope' (which are based in lack) rather than being in mind-heart coherency where intuition, the sudden insight, the gut feeling of direction arises with such ease, and I simply know what the next task is, the next step is, the next direction is.
And I am learning this through inviting myself in:
“I invite you in, Allannah…I invite you in with open arms…I invite you in with Love…”